thirsty pirates kickin ass @ "Ottos Shrunken Head" on a "Frank Wood" night

This is a rare video of "The Thirsty Pirates" performing at "Ottos Shrunken Head" down in the L.E.S. of N.Y.C. performing "thirstypirates" and "cheapskate"
yours truly on the drums
till next time

Thirsty Pirates at "Ottos Shrunken Head"

Ok, its time to give you guys an update on my life. I have joined the band “The Thirsty Pirates”. We played our first show this past Sunday in Brooklyn at “Don Pedro’s”, and I don’t mean to brag but we kicked ass. I mean we far exceeded our expectations for our first show.

We were loved; the bartender and the staff bought us drinks at the end of the show and all, they even invited us back to play Friday and Saturday night.

This was part of our “Get the kinks out” tour, before we play at “Punk Island” on June 21st. Oh man I haven’t felt this excited about anything in a long time. I got a pretty good feeling about this band. I mean the one thing that stands out from what people told us on Sunday was “You guys don’t sound like anybody, your sound is so unique”, and that is the truth.

We don’t sound like all these “New York” punk bands, you can actually understand what were saying and sing along with us. We play to have fun and make good music, nuff said!

Well for all of you that would like to see “The Thirsty Pirates” rock out before June 21st you can come peep us out on June 14th at “Ottos Shrunken Head” in the lower east side, 538 east 14th street. We go on at 7:30, a nice early show for you all.

Were playing on the “Frank Wood” presents showcase. This is kool because all of his shows get streamed live on the internet at http://www.nycliverock.com/

SO for those that cant make it, be sure to catch the show on the net, its sure to be another kick ass event. The pirates are coming to fuck shit up.

Till next time….

2nd Annual Punk Island

Punk Island June 21st on Governors Island
That’s the name and location for the annual “Punk Island” show. A show filled with damn good music, tons of fun, with the great “New York” skyline as your background.

This is the second year for this venue, so come on out and show some support for your fellow punk rockers. This year yours truly will be playing at the festival. I’m the new drummer to “The Thirsty Pirates”, a pretty kool band that me and my bassist/friend/roommate have joined and changed the sound for the better.

There will be 70 bands playing on 11 playing areas and one main stage, there will also be a “Skate Demo” being sponsored by Connecticut’s “Worship Skateboards”, here is their link, http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.worshipskateboards.com%2F&h=32bb70c6efe54b6aa8941cdf68cc55dd

This should be a fun packed day for all, and it’s free. That’s right free, where else can you see 70 kick ass bands and a skateboarding show with beautiful scenery for free? The event will go from 10am to 5pm sharp. And yes even the ferry to get on and off the island is free. For detailed ferry info check out the following link http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.govisland.com%2FVisit_the_Island%2Fdirections.asp&h=32bb70c6efe54b6aa8941cdf68cc55dd

Merchandise includes shirts, stickers and the limited edition skateboards can be bought at the island. Again, proceeds from all sales and your charitable donations (no matter how big or small) are our only means of financing this great event. So note that YOU are the one making this event a reality through your purchase and donations. After all, where else will you be able to see over 70 of your favorite bands play for FREE all in one exciting, action-packed day?

You may also purchase merchandise prior to June 21st via our official website: http://www.myspace.com/mmnypunkisland or email directly at: slug@makemusicny.org

Everyone is encouraged register on the website to receive up to the minute updates, posts, blogs and information on this and future events. You may also make friends, posts to set up rides to the event and find places to stay, network with bands, promoters and check out the band’s sites.

Lastly, I want to remind you that since Governors Island is state park property, that alcoholic beverage, pets and weapons are restricted from the premises. For detailed rules and regulations please click on the following link: http://www.govisland.com/Visit_the_Island/rules.asp

Also, don’t forget to bring your cameras/camcorders as the panoramic views from Governors Island are beyond amazing.I look forward to seeing you all at Punk Island

Till next time....

"Unwanted Facials"

“Unwanted Facials” is what it is called. My boy told me to look at it for a good laugh. Oh man, was he correct. This is some crazy shit. It is exactly what it says, unwanted facials. This is a video on “Efukt.com”.

This has got to be one of the funniest and craziest videos I have seen in a long time. Its all about this guy running up on unsuspecting women and shooting a load on them, by load I mean semen.

Seriously, this man comes up sneakily jerking off, walks up to the women and splash, he shoots a load on them. Tell me this isn’t crazy? Watch the video, laugh or get disgusted by it and let me know what you think. This video even has a dope song on it by the band “Le tigre”. This song kicks major ass. Watch the video for the song. If anything this video will make you laugh in the least. Peep it out and let me know what you think.
Till next time….

Mount Vernon's lock down of the south side is a fucking joke and an insult to its people.

Mount Vernon's lock down of the south side is a fucking joke and an insult to its people.

Yeah, it’s the “South Side” of town, and yes crime has been up, but crime is up everywhere. We are in a recession, people are broke and bitter what else can you expect? In a community that is so cluttered with people there is bound to be problems, but barricading the neighborhood at night is not going to help at all.

That is “Mount Vernon’s” answer to a lil crime wave, “Lets lock em in at night”. Very freaking smart. Just put a barricade on every street leading into this neighborhood, make life inconvenient for the people that come home from work late or decide to go to the store late.
This is pure idiocracy. Idiocracy to the fullest. Shouldn’t they have increased police presence? Or try to educate the people about about crime, as in what to keep an eye out for and what to report?

No instead they lock us in our room like children. The only reason I believe this is being done is because of who lives in this neighborhood, people of color. A huge minority influence in this neighborhood, if crime somehow spiked on the “North Side” of town they would never lock it down. So why treat us like animals and cage us in? I have no idea why. I would love to know who the idiot is that thought this was a good idea.

All this does is build resentment towards our police and towards our local politicians. I would love to ask the mayor “Clinton Young” what does he expect from all this? Like seriously, treating people of color in this manner is such reminiscent of the 1950s and 60s. This is bad, real bad.

I even asked a cop what the hell is all this for? His reply was, “This is for the good people of the community”. Huh? You freaking serious, inconvenient the good people for a few bad apples? Well I’m a good person of the community, and wait till the next election, see who gets my vote. Not the ones in command now I tell you that much.

I know it isn’t a color thing as much as a crime thing, but what does it feel or sound like to you?

Till next time….

Bust your Window?

“I bust the windows out ya car
you know I did it cuz I left my mark
Wrote my initials with the crowbar
and then I drove off into the dark”







And that is the song by “Jazmine Sullivan” titled “Bust your Window”…… (LMAO)
Oh my, how our music has changed. Wow this song cracked me up. I won’t fake the funk, it is a damn good song, but the lyrics, which are a bit deep, are crazy.

“I must admit it helped a little bitto think of how you'd feel when you saw it”

Wow she was pissed!
This song got me thinking about my uncles, and my boys. And on how when they would mess things up with a girl the girl would somehow ruin something of theirs. Like cutting up a shirt, a hat, or slashing car tires, even going as far as “Busting a window”.

Oh man, when a lady gets angry, she gets mad!

But this really got me thinking. I mean “Us” and by “Us” I mean men are not known for destroying anything that belongs to our ex’s. I have been dissed and even cheated on and all I did was punch the guy in the face and ignore her phone calls. I have had friends and relatives go through much worse then that, and all they do is say “fuck it! Life goes on!

Which is so true.

So my question of the day goes out to all my lady readers out there. Please answer me this question. Why do you destroy a man’s property to get revenge? What is it about it that entices you to do it?

And fella’s let me know what you have gone through? As in what was destroyed of yours.

Till next time….

far and few

Hello all. Blogs have been far and few. Oh that is true, well here I am just wanting to let you guys know how I’m doing. Let you all know I’m still alive.

Just went a whole month without my car, damn timing chain goes and that ends up breaking something inside the engine, and blah, blah, blah, one thing leads to another and I end up car-less for a month.

Oh here is the topper, on the day that I was supposed to get my car; I get a phone call from the “Yonkers Police Department”. They are calling to let me know that I need to come in and sign a “Proof of ownership” paper. I ask why and they tell me that an angry costumer walks into the shop and chases the owner with a bat and smashes the rear window to my car.

“Huh?”

“You mean to tell me that some man came in to the shop to kick ass and smashed my car window to show he meant business?”

“Yeah, we got the whole thing on tape.”

That just put another delay on me getting my car. The way the ball bounces for me huh? Oh it just so happens that on that exact same day I get hit with a bad flu. Four days of hell I tell you. The flu sucks big time. I haven’t had it in years and now I got it because my roommate went out to hang out in seedy areas with seedy individuals and he brings back the Black Death. Oh man, that flu hurt, a lot.

Well I advise you all to go out and see “The Wolverine” movie. That movie kicks ass with a capital A. For all the old school comic book dorks like me, this movie is the bomb!

Well I am recovery pretty well, a little slower then what I expected, but hopefully I’ll be back to myself by this summer.
Till next time….

Brady rule and Erectile Dysfunction not kool

The Brady Rule. That’s the new rule in the “N.F.L.”. If you ask me it should be called “The Bitch Rule”. Here is the rule:

Competition Committee adopted a clarification of the current rule on hits to a quarterback in the knee area or below. The clarification specifically prohibits a defender on the ground who hasn't been blocked or fouled directly into the quarterback from lunging or diving at the quarterback's lower legs.

In other words, if you’re on the ground you can’t make a lounge for the QB. Your taught to kill the quarter back, to hit him, you make a living doing this, this game is all about hitting, but the moment you hit the ground you have to shut all that down and not take a lounge at the man holding the ball. Are you kidding me. They say that this is for the protection of the quarterback, huh? How much more protection does he need? Is he not a football player? Does he not play the same game as everyone else? If you want to protect him more, just get a better offensive line.

Oh man, this is just one thing I’m pissed off about at the time. I won’t bore you with everything else, but I will say I miss you guys. I miss writing out my thoughts and sharing them with you all. This injury has put me out of everything. I haven’t written anything in a long time. I haven’t really been doing much. Dealing with a lot of pain and having lack of movement on your wrist can do that to you.

One thing I have noticed being hurt and home a lot, and watching late night television, there is an awful amount of erectile dysfunction medicine on TV. Damn, every two out of three commercials are about E.D... Like what the fuck, do only guys with flaccid penises watch late night television?

Sorry bout that, that was another thing that pissed me off the other night. I’m gonna be off for now folks. Getting me riled up and it’s late. I need to relax, take a deep breath, ah better. Well thank you for reading my rant, hope all is well with you all.

Till next time….

Lemming myth

Oh man, “Lemmings do not commit mass suicide. It's a myth,” I got this off of this site,

http://www.wildlifenews.alaska.gov/index.cfm?adfg=wildlife_news.view_article&issue_id=6&articles_id=56

I was bored last night and I was thinking of lemmings for some odd reason, so I “Googled” lemmings. And this is what I come across? The article says that Disney staged the mass suicide, actually throwing lemmings off the cliff.

“The epic "lemming migration" was staged using careful editing, tight camera angles and a few dozen lemmings running on snow covered lazy-Susan style turntable.”

Like wow, even this was on the site,

"It's a complete urban legend," said state wildlife biologist Thomas McDonough.”I think it blew out of proportion based on a Disney documentary in the '50s, and that brought it to the mainstream."

I watched that, I thought it was real; I skipped that chapter in my encyclopedia. I honestly thought they killed themselves every five or ten years. There was even a “Nintendo” game called Lemmings, and they ran together, you ran with em, tried to stop them from taking the plunge I think. But damn!

Well now I know a bit more about those little cute rodents, and now so do you. Peep out the link and read up on those little bastards.

Till next time….

Thank you for my hot shower

Ahhhhhhh. There is nothing like a hot shower. Even with plastic wrapped around my arm, I still can appreciate a hot shower. This got me to wondering if there in anyone that I should thank for this wonder. The “Hot Shower” is by far, one of the greatest and most underappreciated inventions of our culture.

We all shower, but do we give thanks to the man that invented the shower? No we do not. This got me to do some research, I came across this after I “Googled” it.

“The simple bathrooms of ancient India, Egypt and Mesopotamia were all rudimentary showers. They did not contain baths, and people washed by pouring water over themselves or having it administered by a servant standing behind a low wall.

But the first real showers, with plumbed-in water, were invented by the ancient Greeks. After exerting themselves in the stadium, ancient Greek athletes would freshen up in the kind of shower depicted on an Athenian vase of the fourth century B.C. Two shower rooms are shown, occupied by four rather muscular young ladies. Piped-in water sprays down on the bathers through showerheads shaped like the faces of boars and lions. Near the top is a rack or pole over which the girls have draped their garments and towels. The whole scene is amazingly contemporary: apart from the animal showerheads, it would not be out of place in a modern gym."

So, there you have it. The Greeks not only invented democracy, philosophy, and the Olympics, they gave us showers, too. God bless 'em, and thank you.

Till next time….

Another reason to outlaw Karaoke

Here am I getting suckered into singing a song. I chose to sing "Signs" the "Tesla" version. Try not to laugh to hard at me. It takes balls to do this. Come on out and join me on a monday night at "The BarCar" in "Mount Vernon.

Till next time....

White Street live

If you haven’t seen “White Street” live yet then your missing out. This dynamic duo takes hip hop to a whole new level, seriously. There not your standard rap duo there more, hmm let me think of how to word it, there like a hip hop novelty group.

There rapping gimmick is sex, and trust me they pull it off well. I mean really well. What comes out of there mouths will make “Jenna Jameson” and “Ron Jeremy” blush.

Now just because they are into making you laugh, it doesn’t mean that their music isn’t serious. These two have some damn good songs. Each song has a really kool beat on it and all the lyrics flow perfectly, I mean you catch yourself saying “Did they just say that?” a few times.


These two are highly perverted, but in a humorous way. Every beat just gets into your body and forces you to dance, all the while your listening to what their saying and laughing your head off. So now you’re laughing and dancing. A win, win situation, guaranteed to have a good time.


So trust me when I say, the next time “White Street” is performing, go see them, you won’t be disappointed. If you would like to hear a few of their tracks and find out more about them just click on the “White Street” links and bam, your there.

I even met my true love at the show

Till next time….

Walk Hard

“Walk hard

Hard

Down life's

Rocky road”

Word up, “Walk Hard!”

I have been addicted to “Walk Hard the Dewey Cox Story” recently. I mean bad. This movie is hilarious.

I have to admit that the first time I saw the movie I thought it was ok, a tad bit funny but that is it, nothing special. I gave it a second chance and I am so glad that I did.

This movie kicks major ars. There are so many lil jokes that can be easily missed, that each time I watch it I notice something new each time.

I even went out of my way to get the soundtrack. The music seriously rocks. Listen to the lyrics they are hilarious. These people managed to make damn good songs with humor in em. Seriously, these songs kick ass no doubt.

This movie is well casted in my opinion. From his parents, brother, band, wives, and kids, this movie rocks! You will watch it more then once, and laugh your ass off each time.

I even watched the credits just to listen to the songs and I came across a song not in the movie, “Hey have you heard the news Dewey Cox died”. That song is mad funny. People you have got to give this movie a chance. It kicks ass!

In addition, the last song in the movie, which is his “Masterpiece”, truly is his masterpiece. Here is the bridge leading into the chorus

“And then in the end

It’s family and friends

Loving yourself

But not only yourself

It’s about the good walk

And the hard walk

And the young girls you’ve made cry

It’s about make a little music everyday till you di-ie
Beautiful ride”

Tell me that doesn’t kick ass?
I personally give this movie 5 out of 5 stars. I do have to admit, it isn’t for everyone, but for those that do like it, love it. Walk hard!

"Long Lost Weekend" Review

Right after I broke my wrist, I received a package in the mail. I was wondering who would send me a package. I quickly opened the package and was floored immediately. “He was true to his word” was all I kept saying to myself. “Joey Salvia” had sent me his newest CD.

For those of you that do not know who “Joey Salvia” is I advise you to find out. I had promised him a review on his album, and here I am, and I will give you a little bit of info on him as well.

Enjoy

Born and raised in Brooklyn, “Joey Salvia” is one of the co-stars on “The Michael Kay Show”, an enormously popular drive-time sports talk show heard weekdays from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. on ESPN Radio at 1050 AM. “Joey” is the heart and soul on that show, true to “Michal Kay’s” introduction of him on the show.

The CD's 11 songs touch on a variety of topics they range from trying to survive in an increasingly expensive “New York City”, going through a painful divorce, and finding new love. On the track titled “Derek Jeter”, he lets you know what every single male that watches baseball thinks. "If I could be one person, I'd be Yankee Number Two. With four rings on my fingers and thousand dollar shoes," well said Mr Salvia.

The musical influences on "Long Lost Weekend" include the Beatles, Bob Dylan, with a taste of that New York edge.

This is one album to be enjoyed on a nice calm day at home pondering over life. This album lets us all know that we are not alone.

Dealing with insomnia, and a broken wrist while thinking of old jobs I've had

Oh, man, having a broken wrist sucks! And not only does it hurt, but it wont let you sleep.
It is 2:33 in the morning and I am wide-awake. You see, being that I am not using the arm much, the nerves decide that they want to play late at night. That keeps me up more then the pain does. My arm feels as if it want to do windmills.

So I am all dazed and sleepy with an arm that wants to do circles in the air. It sucks I tell you!
But alas, being up this late got me to thinking about all the jobs I have had, or at least the ones I can remember at this moment. Damn I have had more then my fair share of jobs. Some I miss and some I don’t.
Here is a list of the ones I can remember, along with the injuries I've accrued.

X-pert messenger service
Yes, I was a “New York City Messenger”. Not a bad gig, but all I can remember from this job, is wearing a tie, in august in NYC walking a lot and sweating my ass off.
Injuries: sprained ankle

D.M.B. &B
Another messenger service, but this one was being an in house messenger, I only did deliveries for that one company, so no random deliveries, pretty much the same destination. I was fired from this company and the company above at the same time.
Isn’t that some Bullshit!
You see my so-called cousin got me the job in both companies while he lived with us, but once momma kicked him out, I somehow lost my jobs. Hmmmmmmmmmmm
Injuries: Hurt pride

Family Pet Center
Working at a pet store, now this job rocked! Working with kool people, good-looking girls and in a mall, now this was fun job. I learned a lot about how much fun animals are when you’re tripping on acid. In addition, I read a lot, and spent a lot of time in the mall. Oh yeah, I worked in two other stores at the same time.
Injuries: sunburned eyeballs, concussion, various animal bites

Music land
Oh yeah, dream job time. What more would a musician want as a job then working in music store? This was fun while it lasted
Injuries: none

Sam Goody
Oh yeah, another music store. This one sucked big time. We had to play certain music and push to sell certain items. This job was a total bummer.
Injuries: None

Service Directions
I was the “Maytag Man”. I had my little uniform and all. I once called a radio station, got on the air, requested a song, and got denied my request because according to the commercial, the “Maytag Man” doesn’t really work. I quite this job with flare. I cursed people out, got loud and even threw my work keys at my boss. Felt great.
Injuries: Cut my thigh with a blade

Marquez pavers
This was where I learned how to be a man. I remember waking up with the sun, sweating or freezing all day, having hands so scraped and dry from working all day with bricks. Constant lower back pains, and headaches from being out in the sun all day. This job sucked. However, it had it moments. I learned a lot there. I also grew a lot. In addition, I made good money. I even got a shot at owning my own business with this company..
Injuries: Smashed fingers, scrapped and raw fingertips, herniated spinal disc

E&J Contracting
Owning my own company with my best friend, this was it. I quickly learned the valuable lesson that friends and money, should not mix. Hence me working for “The Man at the current moment.

I Love N.Y. Pizza
I was a pizza delivery boy. A damn kool one at that!

Software E.T.C.
A video game store. Oh, man I was in heaven. I got to borrow any game I wanted, play my music all day while I worked, run scams in the store that enabled me to make extra cash, and pretty much do what I want. Kool gig got me through school.
Injuries: None

Poppy’s Deli
A little, side gig I had while I was finishing school. I had fun, gained weight, made some money, al in one summer.
Injuries: sliced my thumb on the meat slicer

Cablevision
First job offer after graduation, 911 going on at the same time take what ever I could. I made friends, money, and enemies. I was the “Cable Guy”. I got fired for some bullshit. Ah well, life goes on. I do miss that job though.
Injuries: Fractured ankle had a slipped and herniated spinal disc.

U.S.I.S./Vantage
Installing cell phone antennas is not that much fun. Being on the top of buildings or water towers in the dead of winter freezing my ass off, I only lasted three months there.
Injuries: None

R-Tegan General contracting
Doing just that, general contracting, what is funny is the owner worked for me when I had my company. Life is funny huh? I learned a lot here. Got to work with a friend, laugh and have a good time. Some times. The owner was a dick at times. Felt like killing him often. Had my opportunities.
Injuries: Too many to name

Mark Buick
I was the parts person at a car dealership, boring. I was there for a year, and then got laid off due to our slow economy. More things that make life fun.

R.M.C.B.
My current job. I am a “Computer Operator” and I break my wrist? The least dangerous of all my jobs, and this happens. How does this happen to me?
Damn I need to sleep.
Till next time….

On medical leave for a bit

Hello all, I am assuming you all have read my last post. Therefore, as you all know I am seriously hurt. I can only type with one hand. And typing with one hand is annoying.

Therefore, I am writing to let you all know that I am taking a break from blogging for a bit.
Why you ask? Well do me a favor try typing with one hand. Let me how it goes. Write me an email or two. Then you will see how annoying it is. In addition, I have metal rods going into my bone in my left arm.

That hurts.

So do not be mad at me, I have a doctor’s note.
Till next time….

Hurt!

7:27 pm, a lil over half an hour before I’m out of here. I get to go home, chill out watch “Heroes” aight, cant wait until 8 o clock”.
“Should I play solitaire until eight or should I restock our paper supply?”
“Hmmm, re-bills will be coming in tomorrow so let me get a few boxes down so my boss “Bob” will be kool with me in the morning”.

I grab the big grey ladder and walk it over to where we keep our “Z” form.
“I’ll bring down 4-5 boxes, load up the wall and that should make time fly”.
Up the ladder I go, there is like 3-4 boxes up here, let’s bring em down. I toss two boxes down and begin to climb down, but then I notice a box in the back.
“Damn, now I gotta climb out and grab this one”

I climb out the ladder and step onto the shelf. I reach over to the box and I grab the strap that is wrapped around the boxes. You see these boxes have straps around them, so picture a box with two yellow plastic straps on them. I yank the strap in an attempt to pull the box close to me, only to have the strap snap.

Now this has happened to me often. The paper companies are saving money by making thinner and cheaper straps, so these babies snap often. Its very frustrating but you get used to it. One thing though.

I have never had one snap at this height and with me a lil off balanced. I fell back, saw my left foot miss the steps on the ladder and down I went. When I landed, all I heard was a low crack sound. Sounded like the snapping of a candy bar. That bugged me out.
I laid on the ground and thought, “I should just stay on the ground till someone comes, but damn I work alone at night!”

Get up James!

I get up and notice my wrist, “Holy shit! My wrist is fucked up!” is all I can say. Seriously folks my wrist looked like an accordion, it was that messed up. I attempt to straighten it out by pulling on it and oh man, did I feel pain.
Must get to a hospital is all I am thinking.
I walk into my office, check to make sure the last job I started is still running and then I call my boss.

Me: Ummm, hi Bob
Him: Hi James, what is up?
Me: Can I go home?
Him: Why what’s wrong?
Me: I just fell off the ladder getting some stock paper and I think I broke my arm, I need to go, and I have to get to a hospital.
Him: James do not leave I am calling an ambulance
Me: Bob, I cant afford the ambulance my insurance hasn’t kicked in yet
Him: Don’t worry about that now, workers comp will handle it, it’s a work related injury. What’s important is your health right now, I’ll call you back in one minute, don’t go nowhere.
Me: Ok, thanx bob, I’ll wait for your call.

And that was my Monday night. See what I mean?
If it were not for bad luck, I would have none.
I’m sure you guys would love for me to continue the story, but at the moment I am in way too much pain to keep typing with my one good hand. I just wanted to let you all know that I am seriously hurt now.

My left wrist is totally destroyed from the fall. I have metal rods and wires attached to pins going through it now. Fucking hurts, I tell you. I’ll be sure to write again very soon and continue with the story but for now I just hope all is well for everyone.
Till next time….

+

Teenage sexual drive

“It is time to grow the fuck up” were my exact words to him. Why did I say that to him you ask? Because I’m right. There comes a time in a man’s life when a 4-6 minute sex drive just isn’t sufficient

Let me let you in on the rest of this conversation to clear up the chaos in my statement.

My boy (name kept out for privacy) came by yesterday to chill and watch that shitty baseball game. Throughout the game, our conversation switched onto the topic of sex somehow.

I had said to him,
Me-“You haven’t gotten laid since 1995,” he replied with,

Him- “Nah, I got laid a couple of weeks ago”

Me- “Your lying”

Him- “Nah I’m not, for real bro, a couple of weeks ago I got laid”

Me- “ok, describe to me the event”

Him- “I met this girl through my cousin and we called each other a few times, so she invited me over, we smoked a spliff and then got busy”

Me- “Ok, what happened afterwards, you lying sack of shit”

Him- “Ummm, afterwards I relit the spliff and then bounced when I was done”

Me- “Did you offer her a hit? Did you talk to her afterwards? Did you even cuddle or anything? You just pulled out, took off the condom and lit a spliff? No talk no kiss anything?”

Him- “Yeah, basically that was it”

Me- “Before you left, did you say anything to her, did you give her a hug, a kiss, or even a pat on the back”

Him- “No, should I? Dude I got mine that’s all that mattered”

Me- “Ha! And you wonder why you never slept with a women more then once huh? Dude the time when you fuck vigorously for a few minutes is over. You are a grown man. Enjoy your time with the woman. Have her remember you in a good way. Right now, I bet she is telling everyone how wack of a lay you are. You went in there like a fucking teenager, no foreplay or anything, you smoked had sex, really fast mind you, then got up when it was over, sparked a philly smoked, didn’t even offer her any, and left”

Him- “Yeah that was it; I don’t see anything wrong with it”

Me- “Huh! Are you serious, did you listen to what I said? Dude she gave herself up to you, and the way you repaid her was by basically masturbating with the help of her body. You just went into her, pumped really hard and fast I bet, and that was it. Dude you’re a grown man, it is time to act like one, especially in the bedroom”

Him- “You really know how to make me feel like shit. Sometimes I wonder why I even tell you things”

Me- “This is the reason why you tell me these things, because you need to be taught the error of your ways. Bro you are a grown man, you can’t be fucking like some typical project teenage punk. There is no race to an orgasm, are you even experiencing anything? Really, think about it. You are pretty much jerking off in her body. You are not feeling all around inside of her, rubbing the walls enjoying your time in there. Keep this up and you will never sleep with a woman twice”

Him- “Your probably right, but she isn’t my girl or anything important like that”

Me- “So what! Dude she is a woman that is giving herself up to you and you repay her with a vigorous 5 minute pumping action. That is sad, and how did you leave huh?”

Him- “I said check ya later”

Me- “So you didn’t even tell her you would call, or that there would be another time. Did you even kiss her on the check?”

Him- “No, I just said check you later and bounced”

Me- “I bet you she called all her friends and told them how wack and immature you were”

Him- “Nah, you think?”

Me- “Think? I know she is. One thing I do know in this world is women. And she is regretting having sex with you, she is ripping you to shreds with her friends, and you will never ever get a second chance with her. Why you ask? Because you fucked like a kid! It is time to grow the fuck up! You want women to remember you for good things, not for embarrassing yourself in that way”

Him- “You might be right but fuck it, I got mine”

Me- “And it is selfish and immature thinking like that, that will keep you from becoming a man”

Him- “Fuck you bitch I am a man”

Me- “Yeah but you fuck like a teenager. Grow up”


Do you people agree with what I said to him?
Till next time….

For my readers

Hello blog world. What is going on out there? As most of you know I am the type of person that feeds off of people reactions to what I write and say. So I am asking you my “Readers” if there is anything that you would like me to write about, or discuss, or even tell me to stop writing, feel free to send me an email at jimvelez@hotmail.com. I will reply to those that merit a reply and I will tackle any issue you guys feel that I should.

Feel free to write anything to me. Ask questions, look for advice, send me pics, anything. I just wanna make you all smile. Seems like an easy enough task. A “Dear Jmfv” would be funny, or me writing on an issue that you would like me to write on would also be fun.

Bottom line, I am bored. Give me something to do to entertain you all if not, there will be tons of “Semen” influenced blogs.

Till next time....

Something To Play

A couple of weeks ago I got a scanner. I have not had one in a long time, forgot how much fun they are. This time I went and found a lot of my old drawing and I scanned a bunch of them on to my pc. I like how the drawings I scanned somehow look damn good. Damn, let me find out I had talent. (lol)

If you wanna check em out their in one of my “Myspace” picture folders.

Ok, let me not get sidetracked here. This blog is about one of drawings I scanned. It is a pretty crappy face, and me being me decided to write a poem on it.

I think?

To be honest, I do not remember how or when I did it, but I do know it was about 15 years ago, (Damn I am getting old!). I might have written it and drawn it at separate times. I see that there is a coffee stain on it, but other then that, I am lost. I don’t even know if I named it or if it was something I just jotted down real quick.

Nevertheless, what strikes me is that this reminds me of a poem I have recently written. Seems I haven’t developed much huh? (lol)

Well here it is, enjoy.
Till next time….