I got a dad?

I always wondered what it would feel like to find out that my dad was still alive. I imagined it as being really kool. I mean it would rock you know, I’m 33, spent most of my life fatherless. Pretty much had to learn how to be on man by trial and error, observation. Oh man if my dad was really alive how kool would it be to talk to him? Ask him why I do certain things, see where my smile comes from. Oh man, how crazy would that be?
Well it just so happens that that dream came true. Yes folks it did. On Friday my cousin, who is only 2 years younger then my mom and grew up with her was visiting, so I seized my opportunity to ask her, in front of my mom the inevitable question,

“So who really is my dad?”

Her response was a shrug and a look at my mom saying,

“I don’t wanna get involved in this again”

OK I’ll give you all a flashback to bring you all up to speed with what is going on. You see growing up I thought my dad was “James Anthony Garcia” the man whose name is on my birth certificate, the man who I am named after, the man that was around in the beginning that promised me a toy but never delivered.
You see, there was always this guy that everyone used to say was my dad because I looked like him. I used to disregard all the comment, sorta laugh em off or just shrug em off, I knew who my dad was, there is no way in hell you gonna tell me who my dad is. Well this man used to come up to me smiling, calling me son and all, and I would just laugh and walk off. He even one time asked me, “Has your mom told you the truth yet?” I just looked at him with a grin and said “Nah, she is still in denial” and laugh it off. But it always stuck in my head, I always wondered because I really look like this guy, nah my mom woulda told me the truth, she has nothing to hide now were both adults. But every time I would ask, if he was my dad, or tell her that some people brought it up and it got me wondering, she would flip out and tell me

“You know who the fuck is your father? I am and your father was that piece of shit “Jimmy” ok leave it at that. Don’t listen to what any of those motherfuckers have to say”

And that would be that, well this went on for some time, and still I got the same answer every time so I let it be. Well my cousin is back and she told me to if I needed a job I can go to where she got hooked up. Just so happens this place is seriously connected to my past. Well everyone there is calling me this mans son, I’m smiling thinking to myself, fuck it, if it helps me get somewhere being his son damn I’m his son, no biggie. But I wondered, so I brought the subject up again to my mom, I let her know that if he is my dad its only fair that I know the truth, I should know where I come from. But alas I got the same response.

Well on Friday with my cousin there to call her out I asked the question again, this time I got a different answer, she looked at my cousin then at me and said,

“He is your father, I got pregnant by him, didn’t know I was pregnant started dating your father and you came along, I was young, scared, and confused I didn’t know what to do”

My reply was,

“You mean, all this time I asked you lied? You could have told me the truth a long time ago” I have so many questions, and you denied me that. I’m named after the wrong man”

Well no need for me to get into the rest I just wanted to share with you guys that I have a dad. I am not a fatherless bastard, a bastard child yes, but a fatherless one, no.

Yet I don’t know how I feel about that.
Till next time….