OK, my head is still spinning but it has slowed down a bit. Slowed down long enough for me to write down a few things that have transpired in my life recently and I would like to share it with you all...
Here we go,
As of yesterday “June 29th 2010” my life has changed drastically. Not in a bad way this time. For once in my life I am smiling, I mean a big cheese grin is plastered across my face. I feel as if that proverbial chip that has been on my shoulder has finally fallen off.
As most of readers know I just recently found out who my real father is. For my entire life the man whom I thought was my dad, whom I am named after, turned out not to be my dad. Now that came as a big shock to me, for it turned out, that the man that has been calling me “Son” and telling me “You know I am your real father” and my reply to that was “Ok, if you say so” and I would think to myself, my father is the man who signed my birth certificate end of story and that would be that was actually telling me the truth. All this time, the one lying to me was my mother. She has her reasons, some I agree with some I don’t, but I understand. She did the best that she could do for her children. I know it is not easy being 14 and having a child.
I don’t understand her reasoning behind not telling me when my sister father died, (him being the man whom I thought was my father) or telling me when I turned 21, or even 30. There were plenty of chances to come out with the truth, but she didn’t. I don’t quite understand, but I can try to. I see that she did this to protect me, to keep me from the life she was raised in. she didn’t want her son being around gangs and drugs. She wanted a better life for her children. In a way I see that she protected me. Overprotected but nonetheless protected me.
I love you mom A.K.A. “Brunie”
I was hurt for being lied to all my life, hurt from being denied the truth. If anyone deserved the truth I felt it should have been me. But noooooooooooo, not in my world. It felt odd knowing that my father was still alive; it bothered me that I find this out this information in my 30s. So many years have passed. I am 33 years old, and I am now finding out who my father is. Damn life throws crazy things at you at times.
Well I was looking forward to meeting this man in august. I was getting myself ready for the big meeting; I mean one of the biggest meetings in my life was going to happen in august. I was going to be face to face with my dad, my father. But no, “August” couldn’t wait. I get woken up on Tuesday with a text from my mom telling me that my father is and he would like to see me today after work and here is his number. Well my head was spinning.
“Is this for real” I said out loud. Then I called my mom immediately.
“Your father is out early and I just got off the phone with him, he said he really wants to see you today.”
“Huh! Oh ok, I’ll call him right now.”
I hung up and called the number she gave me, this is how it went.
“Hello”
“Hi um is this tiger” I said.
“Is this my son!” was his reply.
I replied meekly with a “Yeah uh it is”
“Hold on a second, there is someone that wants to talk to you” was his reply. I hear him passing the phone and the next thing I hear is,
“Hi Anthony, my name is “Hector” I’m your little brother”
My world spun, I was hit hard by this child’s voice, and all I said was,
“I’ll be there in 5 minutes” and I hung up.
I got dressed, got in my car and flew to the
I got there parked and walked right up to the office, walked in and immediately saw him. I saw a man that looked like an older version of me. We locked eyes and he asked who I was looking for? I pointed at him and said “I think you”. He smiled and came right out, arms open ready for a hug. And you know what? I hugged him.
For the first time in my life, I was holding my dad, and he was holding me. It felt so good to be held by my father, to actually hold the man that helped create me. We look like twins; he is an older version of yours truly. I am actually seeing what I have to look forward to as I get older. I see my nose in his face, my forehead; he even has the same ears. And to top it all off, his ass is just as flat as mine.
So we go outside and he introduces me to my little brother. Holy shit, I now have a little brother. I have a diesel little brother, he looks like a younger more muscular version of me, and it is bugging me out. I hugged my little brother for the first time in my life, it felt good. My dad comes over and tells me that my other brothers will be by around 5ish, I say ok kool, and I hang out for a bit and then head home.
As I’m driving home I call my mom up bugging. I tell her how kool everything went, I tell her I got brothers, and I mentioned that I’m going back around 5 and asked if she would like to come. She said nah because she didn’t feel up to it. “Ah well think about it” I told her and hung up. I went home, jumped in bed and stared at my ceiling. I tell one of my roommates what I am going through at the moment, then my other roommate called me ad asks if I can pick him up from the train. The rest is a blur to me until I get a text from my mom saying that she changed her mind and would come down to the Bronx with me to see my dad.
Well the ride down was real kool; we talked and listened to some “Thirsty Pirates”. It was a bit tense bit overall kool. We get to the block and I tell you it felt odd walking on my old streets with my mom once again, and not only that, but walking towards my father. Now that felt weird.
We approach, an old friend of my moms comes out of nowhere and starts chatting her up, my dad walks up to me and we hug. I go up to my little brother and give him a hug. That when my pops introduce me to my older brother “Willie”. I stick my hand out to shake his and my pops grabs me and says “What I tell you bout shaking hands with your family?” “Give your brother a hug!” we hugged the way brothers hug. It felt good hugging another brother of mine. My dad walks up to us and points behind me, I turn around and I see my twin.
“Meet your brother “J.C.” “He says, and we just hugged. I am hugging my brothers for the first time. My little brothers begin to tell me how they all seen pictures of me, how my pops used to always talk about “Anthony” we’ve been dying to meet you”. I’m bugging, “You guys all knew about me and I had no clue about you guys.” Damn my head was spinning, here I am with my brothers for the first time, these guys are showing honest to goodness love, I feel such an instant connection with all of them. Their embracing me and wanting me to join the family I have been denied for so long. I no longer feel like the outsider of the family I now have brothers, damn that sounds good. I have a big brother and two younger brothers. My father tells me I have two sisters, one of them passed away some time ago and that I’ll soon meet the other...
I now have my father and my brothers in my life now. I got a whole new family to meet. I just can’t wait for them to meet my sisters, oh man, that picture is gonna kick ass! For now here is the very first picture of my father with all of his sons.
Till next time….
