Hello all. Ok this one is for the gentlemen out there, for this example let’s pretend you have a fairly young attractive mom. You and your friends go out for a night on the town and end up in a strippers bar. You all pound drinks and decide to get a few lap dances. Your friend makes the arrangements and tells you all to go to the next room and wait for the girls.
Well as the ladies enter you realize that one of them is your mother.
But every blue moon I am, and this was one funny ass blue moon.
This is the most recent event in my life that left me speechless; I mean I had no words at all. The only thing I could do was laugh. You see I like to get reactions out of people, say crazy shit and see how they react to it; some is good, some is bad, and sometimes it hilarious.
I tend to just spew some off the wall sexual banter at my boys once in awhile just for laughs and also because sometimes, I just love to see their reactions to some of the shit I say.
Well on this day I decided to mess with my friend Paul by texting him this:
Me:yo last night was my first wet dream in a long time that didn’t involve you.
And this was his reply that left me lost for words:
Paul: that’s what you think. In my dream I was watching you from the window.
I was lost for words; all I could do was laugh. This was all I could type back to him in my midst of laughter:
Lets say youand your significant other had an early morning quickie, well on your way to work in the morning your on the bus and you hear people chattering behind you, you turn around only to have an elderly lady ask you this question,
Hello reader, been awhile since I’ve written to you all, well here I am, returning to the world of writing out my thoughts to share with you all.
Well last night I went to bed thinking and imagining how far advanced would we be as a civilization if we had the same beliefs, as in agreeing in our view of a higher power. I am going to show you the image that sparked this thought, I would like for you guys to look at it and let me know what thoughts it sparked in you.
This is what it sparked in my mind.
Imagine a world with a universal religion so to speak, as if we were all spiritual and realized that the differences in our beliefs is what would holds us back as a civilization. We woulda had flying cars by the 40s, disease would not be an issue and most of them woulda been cured by now, and some would not have even been invented.
Just imagine no dark ages, no burning of so-called witches, no lynch mobs going around killing in the name of their god and beliefs. No wasting time fighting over whats right and wrong according to a system of beliefs. Well I can go on and on but I would like to know what you guys think. Let me know,
It is true what they say; you do see your whole life flash right before your eyes in that last moment of life. Only it does not just flash, it is sort of like reliving your whole life, but this time having no control over it. You are aware of all the outcomes but still repeat the same mistakes. You also have the capabilities to slow down some parts of your life. You can bask in the glow of winning the big game, (if you played in a big game) or cry over losing a loved one and realizing just how important and precious life really is, (we all have to go through this). Let’s just say that a lot of things run through your mind at this moment.
Well I would like to share this flash, with you; just to give you an inside look at the inner workings of my mind.
Why you ask?
Because I want to, I love to share my insights on life with anyone that is willing to listen to or read anything that I have written. In addition, I think I am a pretty-good storyteller.
Is that a good enough reason? I would like to think so.
This might not make sense to you at times, but bear with it, eventually all roads lead home, and what I am about to share will eventually makes sense. This is a story of a boy, who became a man that ends up living not as he wants, but as he can.
Why is shitting such a “Taboo”? As in no one talks about it freely or we all seem to walk out of the bathroom with a little bit of shame on our faces when we do it.
Why is that?
I mean defecating, passing a bowel, digesting, or just plain shitting, is something that we all do. I mean every human shits. Its one of the few things we all do. So why don’t we discuss it more freely, or do it on a first date at your dates house, or your own house for that matter when we have company. I for one rarely shit in front of a girl I just met, whether it is at my house or hers. Why is that? I’m definitely sure that every human being shits, yet most of us don’t bring the subject until we feel comfortable with that person.
I mean we all say we gotta go pee, or take a shower, but no one says “Hey I’m gonna go take a quick dump” and as we leave the bathroom we all leave looking a tad bit guilty. I mean if we tell people freely that were going to shower, then why not that? I mean just switch the words up and it sounds so much better, tell them, “hey I’m gonna go cleanse my belly”.
If you think about it you are technically cleaning your stomach out so a stomach shower would fit in this sense. So for those that are still shy when it comes to this little human part of us, use the phrase “belly cleanser” or “stomach cleansing” whatever floats your boat, in all just take your shit with pride folks, there should be no stigma attached to defecating, seriously. The next time you take a dump around coworkers or friends leave the bathroom with pride, for you have cleansed your stomach out of all the bad stuff. Feel good about it folks, for we all do it.
Christmas wish. What do we all want for Christmas? This is normally an odd question for me to answer; you see I haven’t written a wish list to Santa in close to 25 years or so, so you see I’m not sure as in what I would ask for, or if there is anything out there that I want? I have gone so long without that I don’t know how to request anything for this holiday. Yeah sure we all want something; I just don’t know what to ask for.
Yeah I would like to start working on building a family with the right lady, but that isn’t something Santa could put under the tree, or is it? I would like for most of the indecision in me to be taken away, but again, that isn’t something that can be put in a box, or can it? Yes there is that toy I wanted as a kid that never got, but seriously, what would I do with a toy right now?
So what I am asking simply is this, if you all had one gift to ask for, what would it be? Now don’t give me that “World Peace” nonsense, give me what you would like to see under your tree on Christmas morning. Maybe that would give me an idea as to what I’m looking for in a gift. For now, I am simply asking for all of my loved ones and yes, even my hated ones, to have a great holiday, this is the one time of the year that I want all to be smiling, and it’s that simple.
Hey you never know who will be reading this nonsense, it just might be your Santa, so let me know what you would like for this upcoming holiday. I hope you all get what you’re asking for and that your able to make someone else in this world smile, even if its only for one day.
I have noticed this trend going on for years and I have helped those that would listen and actually put into effect what I have showed them. So some of you could stop doing this idiotic mistake I will post it here.
A few guys that I have known and some girls that I have dated have done this mistake. Now it’s not their fault, I blame the parents for this mistake. But you cannot rub a bar of soap on your body, flake up and then turn on the water and rinse yourself off.
This is wrong people. You must combine the soap with the water. It’s that simple. Use them cohesively. Now for those that would like a demonstration please feel free to contact me and I will walk you through the process, for the rest of you, I hope this little bit of info helps and makes you a better person.
Remember, a clean body makes will be appreciated by all.
Why me? Is what she thought. Damn shit is not funny, is what was running through her mind, I have seriously got the worst fucking luck. Damn!
Just the other day things were looking up for her; she had put her car on “Craigslist” for sale and was content with what was going on in her life. She came to me and told me bout her ad, and asked if I could help out,
“Sure” I told her, “Just let me look at the ad”.
I looked at the ad and noticed that it wasn’t posted in “New York”,
“Now that’s your problem right there, the ad is posted in “New Jersey” north jersey of all places, no one looks there, place your ad in “New York” and watch how you’ll get replies within the day”.
Well she went and placed the ad in “New York” like I told her, and would you know, within the hour she had a reply. She called me ecstatic saying the guy would be there in a little bit to checkout the car, I was happy for her also, no need for a lady with a one year old to have a second car just sitting there in her driveway,
“Make that money” is what I told her.
Lo and behold my phone rings by 6 o clock that day; it was her in a frantic tone.
“James, this guy was nuts” “Huh, please explain, and calm down, tell me what happened”
She takes a deep breath and proceeds to fill me in on what occurred.
“Well this guy came by, looked at the car and said that it looked great, then asked if it would be ok if he can start it up, sure I told him as I handed him the keys. He pulls out over 12 hundred bucks in cash and says if it starts up, he’ll take it”
“Ok, what happened then, it sounds like it went well” is what I said.
She began to cry and say “No it didn’t go ok, this sick fuck got in my car with his money laid it on the passenger seat and reached in his pocket for a small bottle, started up the car, looked my way, smiled and proceeded to open the bottle and pour its contents all over himself and the inside of the car. I yelled hey what are you doing? He just looked at me, smiled and lit a match and put himself and the inside of the car on fire. The car went up like a straw house, and the money he brought also burnt up with him. This is some crazy shit James, why me?”
“Damn hon", was all I could muster. Then I followed up with, “You mean to tell me, that this guy came over to buy your car, showed you money, told you he would take it, got in the car to start it, and then poured gasoline all over himself and lit himself on fire in your car?”
“Yes” is what she got out in between sobs.
I started to chuckle a bit at this story because this shit is crazy. What the fuck would posses a man to light himself on fire in a car he intended to buy, with the money at his side? That is the craziest shit I’ve heard in awhile. Damn some people got no consideration for others.
Well she got stuck with a burnt car, a burnt person in it, and 12 hundred dollars burnt up also. So she has no car or money now and got a traumatic experience on top of it. Some people just have really fucked up days, remember this story the next time you think your having a bad day.
Hope you enjoyed this fictitious tale, till next time….
I know I haven’t been around. Since I broke my wrist, I find reasons why I can’t see you. I come up with ideas, Think of ways to say hello to you. I always seem to forget. Seems as of late, You’ve been trying to get my attention. Don’t know why? But I choose to ignore you. Now you’re yelling, Screaming so loud, I can no longer deny you. Well, here I am. How are you? It’s has been awhile.
One would think that a place called “The Raping Pit” would think that it’s a bad place? Am I wrong for assuming this? Can anyone out there tell me that a place called “The Raping Pit” would be a good place to go for a night?
Seriously, when you go down the basement and look under the staircase, all you see is a large hole, and in that hole is nothing but darkness, with a glimmer of an arm or teeth, sometimes even a buttock. But that’s all you see when you look down into “The Raping Pit”.
Now what makes me say this is one day this guy sot loud with me in my basement, so I punched him in the face, put my foot up his ass and threw him down the hole. Now s far as I can tell he never got out of there, don’t know why he never left but he chose to stay down there. Some people are a bit odd I tell ya.
Well for the next few months anybody that upset me and I wanted to get rid of, I would throw down the hole. Now I would hear some crazy shit down there, most of it I can’t repeat, but I sorta knew what was going on down there. That’s how I came up with the name.
But it seems to me that anyone I throw down there would just stay down there and join the growing crew. Pretty soon they were demanding people and food. One of them even had the balls to write me a note asking for cable. I told em to go fuck themselves and threw a midget down there.
So would you like to be thrown down into “The Raping Pit”!
Bohemian: A person with artistic or literary interests who disregards conventional standards of behavior.
Bohemian
Some say “James you need to be saved” Following your bullshit Will that teach me to behave? Trained since birth to view the world just like you Not my fault I question, I read, and now I see things From a different point of view ‘Cause I question Some say I’m bold Can’t just sit there and believe all that’s been told Most of what that has been written A lot of it lies Finding out the truth I see With open eyes I don’t need a daily reminder Or a weekly affirmation To love those around me And all of creation
I always wondered what it would feel like to find out that my dad was still alive. I imagined it as being really kool. I mean it would rock you know, I’m 33, spent most of my life fatherless. Pretty much had to learn how to be on man by trial and error, observation. Oh man if my dad was really alive how kool would it be to talk to him? Ask him why I do certain things, see where my smile comes from. Oh man, how crazy would that be? Well it just so happens that that dream came true. Yes folks it did. On Friday my cousin, who is only 2 years younger then my mom and grew up with her was visiting, so I seized my opportunity to ask her, in front of my mom the inevitable question,
“So who really is my dad?”
Her response was a shrug and a look at my mom saying,
“I don’t wanna get involved in this again”
OK I’ll give you all a flashback to bring you all up to speed with what is going on. You see growing up I thought my dad was “James Anthony Garcia” the man whose name is on my birth certificate, the man who I am named after, the man that was around in the beginning that promised me a toy but never delivered. You see, there was always this guy that everyone used to say was my dad because I looked like him. I used to disregard all the comment, sorta laugh em off or just shrug em off, I knew who my dad was, there is no way in hell you gonna tell me who my dad is. Well this man used to come up to me smiling, calling me son and all, and I would just laugh and walk off. He even one time asked me, “Has your mom told you the truth yet?” I just looked at him with a grin and said “Nah, she is still in denial” and laugh it off. But it always stuck in my head, I always wondered because I really look like this guy, nah my mom woulda told me the truth, she has nothing to hide now were both adults. But every time I would ask, if he was my dad, or tell her that some people brought it up and it got me wondering, she would flip out and tell me
“You know who the fuck is your father? I am and your father was that piece of shit “Jimmy” ok leave it at that. Don’t listen to what any of those motherfuckers have to say”
And that would be that, well this went on for some time, and still I got the same answer every time so I let it be. Well my cousin is back and she told me to if I needed a job I can go to where she got hooked up. Just so happens this place is seriously connected to my past. Well everyone there is calling me this mans son, I’m smiling thinking to myself, fuck it, if it helps me get somewhere being his son damn I’m his son, no biggie. But I wondered, so I brought the subject up again to my mom, I let her know that if he is my dad its only fair that I know the truth, I should know where I come from. But alas I got the same response.
Well on Friday with my cousin there to call her out I asked the question again, this time I got a different answer, she looked at my cousin then at me and said,
“He is your father, I got pregnant by him, didn’t know I was pregnant started dating your father and you came along, I was young, scared, and confused I didn’t know what to do”
My reply was,
“You mean, all this time I asked you lied? You could have told me the truth a long time ago” I have so many questions, and you denied me that. I’m named after the wrong man”
Well no need for me to get into the rest I just wanted to share with you guys that I have a dad. I am not a fatherless bastard, a bastard child yes, but a fatherless one, no.
Yet I don’t know how I feel about that. Till next time….
